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Ello Ello! Ok i finally fucking had it with Flicka, my voice professor. Like i just cannot put up with the shit that she gives me. I walk into her office today and ask her if we are still having a lesson on thursday, since everyones cancelling classes for some contest thingy being held at school. Also my accompanist will be gone thursday also, so i really did not see the point in coming thursday without my accompanist. Oh, not to mention i was going to have a lesson at 1230 today. So i was thinking in my head, i haven't missed a lesson why am i having two this week? She is like real quiet, and i tell her, "i'm just asking if we are still meeting, or not so i can know whether to come to school thursday or not" She then goes off on me saying that i'm behind, and since i'm an upper classmen i should be ahead of everyone, and should be setting the examples. She also said that i should "be clawing at her door for her time to help me" Well that last comment threw me over the edge. I was fucking pissed, how fucking dare she tell me that. All fucking semester, she has put me to the side, not helped me ONCE! The only one who has been helping me learn my songs is me and Roxanne, my accompanist. All she does is just sit there and tell me i'm not singing the right note, when the last week she didn't say shit about it. Then she'll get upset because Roxanne played a wrong note, and tell me to go to a practice room and we'll work on stuff next lesson. How is that fucking helping me. Oh, and for about half my lessons this semester, she stopped my lesson early to make her hair appointments, and to talk to me about how old she's getting. So i'm just standing there looking at her, look at me like i'm some big fucking failure, and i tell her, "Like i said earlier am i having a lesson thursday or not?" She said yes, and i think she was waiting for me to say, "oh yeah, i am behind and blah blah!" But i am not behind! I just went to a practice room and warmed up, but i was like so pissed. Then Roxanne gets to the practice room so we can warm up together, and i just start crying and telling her what Flicka told me. It's like now Flicka wants to take me off the shelf and play with me, now she knows that the end of the semester is almost up and i haven't sang everything for her. I've been ready to sing stuff for her, but she will cancel my lessons or cut them short. After i pull myself together i go to the choir room to have my lesson, and i sang my Cosi Fan Tutti aria memorized, and Flicka says, "It still needs work" Thats all she said, she didn't tell me what needed to be worked on, or anything. I was fucking pissed. Like i fucking memorized my music, fucking tell me good job or something. But no, just more shit from her. Then she says that i have missed alot of lessons, which is total bullshit. I missed one lesson because of when my cousin died, and i made it up the next week. This bullshit from her again, further pissed me off. I start singing my other song, and Roxanne messed up and Flicka just rolled her eyes, and threw her music down and made Roxanne start again and just had this horrible tone with her. That fucking did it, i had this ball in my throat and i just wanted to walk out. So true to form, 20 mins into my lesson Flicka says, "Work on your French pieces and i'll see you thursday, because i need to teach a lesson right now" Wtf? Wasn't i in a lesson? I'm so tired of it, like i cannot do this anymore. I need help, i need someone to help me learn my songs, help me do something damnit! I am still a student! I still need to have a lesson, a real lesson. I don't need to put up with Flicka helping the shit out of the freshman and putting everyone else on hold, and then expecting us to preform. It's fucked up! Everything is so fucked up. I'm sorry i haven't been all about my fucking songs lately, but damnit i have hard classes right now. I have so much other stuff to do. It gets harder every fuckign semester, and she expects me to drop everything. Sorry i don't have all the time in the world to practice my songs. It's like i'm always practicing or doing homework. You know i was thinking, i always at least have some music memorized by now, but she just gave me new music after TMEA. And then a week later changed the keys so i had to relearn all my songs in new keys. Fucking bitch! Like she should know not to fucking bitch at me since i've only had my music for about a month. UUGHHHHH I don't even know what to fucking do. I don't want to have another lesson with her. I don't want to fucking talk to her. I don't even want to see her! I think i'm going to talk to Ms. Long and see what she says. But for now i'm going to learn my fucking songs hardcore and go in my shitty ass lessons and sing and just leave. The sooner i get this semester over with the better. Ughh, i hate this...